I have come to a conclusion over the past couple of weeks. It shouldn’t have taken so long to arrive at this conclusion and many of you will probably not be surprised.
Here it is…Will and I are crazy. Yes, crazy. Perhaps not certifiably, perhaps not in the way of seeing bright purple spots everywhere or having detailed discussions about Lake Tahoe with elephants, but crazy nonetheless. I know this because we are a) having another child within two years of our first and b) we are attempting to put our house on the market and move at the same time.
Now, these two things separately are not so nutty, but add them together, and you have an equation that rivals the insanity of Homeland Security stating that pro-lifers and war veterans are terrorists. Okay, so that comparison is obviously an exaggeration, as few things rival the audacity of Homeland Security and our current government, but anyway…you get my point.
I would like to chalk it up to pregnancy hormones (my poor husband), but I can’t help but wonder what we are doing trying to manage all of this right now. I have been fighting the feeling of being overwhelmed and have been struggling with feeling peaceful in the midst of so much change.
As I write, however, I realize I should win the melodramatic award, because really, so many people manage much more than we are currently. Think back to the birth of Christ- there’s Mary, young, very very pregnant, traveling with her husband to Bethlehem, not in the luxuriousness of an air-conditioned moving van, but on the back of a donkey. Across rough terrain. In the heat. ON A DONKEY. Now, for those of you that have been pregnant, the ninth month of pregnancy is certainly not a time I want to be getting jostled on the back of ANYTHING. Not with all the jostling going on on the inside. For those of you that have not been pregnant, please take my word for it.
Now granted, I do not pretend to compare myself with Mary- I know in many ways she was “just” a girl but I do think that she must have had an extraordinarily pure heart and I hunger for the faith she demonstrated in her life. God chose her to raise His son for a reason. But it keeps things in perspective.
All that said, despite the stress of change and unknowns, I am slowly getting more excited about the current craziness and future chaos that awaits us. Even though I know that having two children under the age of 2 is going to be a challenge, and even though I don’t look forward to the sleep deprivation, the breastfeeding every two hours, and the general loss of both freedom and sanity in those early months, I know we are so blessed to have the opportunity to bring another little one into the world. Friends of ours recently discovered that they had lost their little one in the first couple of months into the pregnancy, and my heart breaks for them. Talk about keeping things in perspective- I am already in awe of the faith they are showing during this time in their lives. I pray that I never have to experience what they are experiencing, but should something tragic ever occur in my life, I pray that I would respond with strong faith and trust in my Lord to hold me in His hands as they are doing.
Of course, whether it is a tragic event or a little chaos of the blessed kind, doesn’t God expect us to do just that? That is, to respond with strong faith and trust Him to hold us in His hands.
I initially intended this post to be a light-hearted, amazingly witty commentary on what I am experiencing right now. As I continued to type however, I realized that all of my fears are so small compared to my God, and compared to those situations others are facing. For me, with writing has always come perspective. For that I am grateful.
I thank you Lord for the blessing of our new little one and of a possible new home. Please forgive my complaints, my fears, and my struggle to find my peace in you. Thank you for giving us challenges that remind us that You are in control. Thank you for being the One that keeps things in perspective- if I focus on you, I can be assured that my perspective is as it should be. I pray for my friends and their loss, and thank you that their little one is with you now and experiencing the indescribable joy that must come with being in your presence. I pray you would comfort my friends and allow me to be a comfort as well. In Jesus’ name, Amen.