Culture, Faith, Random

I like to think of this post as putting things in perspective…

So I recently (recently as in almost a month ago) did a post about some of my favorite things.  Since then, I have been pondering some of my not-so-favorite things.  Otherwise known as things I don’t like.  I don’t mean to use this post to complain but rather to vent, and perhaps, to process.  I process through writing.  Anyway, so here goes…

1.  The first one that comes to mind are real estate negotiations.  We just accepted an offer on our house and are very excited, as we should be moved by the end of this month.  I am thankful for this, believe me, but I learned through the process that I don’t like to play games, gamble, or wait while other people play games.  Sometimes waiting on the counteroffer literally made me feel somewhat sick to my stomach (and no, it had nothing to do with my pregnancy).  I like it when people are straightforward rather than trying to pretend they aren’t interested or feign complacency in order to try and get more money out of you.  SO thankful that, Lord willing, all is done with this offer and all we have to do it close.

2.  This leads me to number 2, the real estate agent that nosed his way in while we had still listed by owner (to  hold to our contract on our future home, we agreed to list with an agent if we hadn’t sold by owner within a certain time).  So before we listed with our current agent, a family friend, ethical man, Christian, and great realtor, we had to deal with a man that had not found our home for the couple, did not show it to them, but yet expected his 3% commission from us because he had shown this couple 40 homes (40!) before THEY found ours listed by owner.  Will and I didn’t like him from the start and are very thankful that it ended up not working out with this couple (they lowballed and we couldn’t accept); the reason we were glad is because even though we have to pay more to our agent since listing with him, I’d much rather give him the 6% commission rather than a 3% commission to someone who did NOTHING but pull up our tax records and eventually come 0ut to try and convince us why we should drop our house $14,000 and then pay him 3% on top of it…

3. The NC mental health system, which ultimately leads to our federal system which is putting all of our children and families up the creek without a paddle, then leaving them to brave the rapids that are hell-bent on destroying the little boat they have left…

4. People who profess to be Christians and completely turn others away from Jesus.  I’m not just talking about Christians that make mistakes, do wrong, etc, as, HELLO, that is all of us.  We all sin.  I’m talking about people that consistently act in such a manner that cause those who do not believe in Jesus to dismiss Him entirely.

5. People that are wishy-washy, especially to the point that their indecisiveness hurts others.  A little boy I have worked with for 2 1/2 years has been waiting quite a while for us to find him a foster family (and hopefully adoptive family someday).  This was, of course, once the court got over its wishy-washiness and freed him for adoption).  A family approached us and seemed that they could be a good match for this little guy.  So we checked their records, read their home study, etc, and began visits once they had been okayed by our treatment team.  Well, what no documentation revealed is their utter inability to commit to our little guy.  One week they were entirely gung-ho and wished he could come home with them RIGHT THIS MINUTE, and the next week they were indicating they may be interested in another little girl through a different agency.  Then, they would express their commitment to our little guy, and a moment later, expressed they couldn’t do it because they were concerned about his school situation.  Oh, but wait, we have it figured out, so we are back in the game…What’s worse, is that they would continually indicate to our little guy that they would see him in such and such days, and make plans, and then change them (this occurred at the very end).   I had to tell our boy that they were not coming to pick him up for a long overnight visit as they had talked to him about…once we gave them permission to be done for the sake of our little guy, they had the nerve to literally lie to another agency about what had occurred.  I was and remain concerned that they will do this to another child (as we learned later that they had done this to one little girl prior to coming to us about our little boy).  I sent a detailed email to their representative at their licensing agency to express my concerns, and unfortunately, did not receive a reply… (another pet peeve of mine).

6. People that are passive aggressive.  Particularly people that act like everything is fine when you ask them but you know behind your back have not been your friend.

Number 6 leads me to Number 7…

7.  I was hesitant to write about this, but because it has stayed on my mind so long, I feel the need to further process my thoughts and deal with my feelings about it.

A few months back, I posted a comment relating to my view of pro-life on my facebook status update. Abortion is another thing I get very passionate about and dislike intensely (to be clear, I feel for many of the women that find themselves facing an unplanned pregnancy, but I cannot agree with a practice that murders a child- I especially abhor it in those circumstances where it is simply  “inconvenient” to have a child at this time)..Anyway…back to my facebook status…

In response to this status update, an individual I had reconnected with on Facebook that I had been close to at a point in time (we’ll call them friend #1) responded strongly to my comment, relating it to another issue not related to abortion.  I was somewhat bewildered by the individuals strong reply, but let it be.  (I apologize if the next part is confusing, but I’m trying to avoid using names as I don’t think that would be at all appropriate)… The next day I received a message in my inbox from another friend that I had lost touch with (friend #2), stating that the reason friend #1 was upset was because of something I had supposedly said about them in the past.  I was then told that friend number 1 had been told the following… that I had once said that because my friend #1 was homosexual, I would walk on the other side of the street due to my dislike of this person because of his/her lifestyle.  I am then told in this message that apparently, a former very close friend (#3), while drinking, had shared that I had said this.

I was stunned and all I could do was sit there and cry.  I do believe homosexuality is wrong.  However, I know that I would never have said, much less thought, to not walk near someone on the street because they are a gay or lesbian individual.  I don’t know how long I cried that afternoon.  So why did I cry?  Granted, it may have been in part because I was falsely accused.  I make so many mistakes and regret many things, but I know I never said this.  But aside from being hurt that people would believe I said this, it was so, so much more than that.  I cried for friend #1, the one that had been told such a terrible thing.  I cried because I couldn’t imagine the pain it must have caused for him/her.  And, most of all, I cried because of how it reflected on Jesus.  You see, friend #1 is not a Christian, and while I don’t know him/her very well now at all, I know that he/she doesn’t believe Jesus is their Savior.  And when Friend 1 was told this terrible thing, all the while knowing that I am a Christian and I supposedly said that, why on earth would they want Jesus for their Savior?

As for friend #3- I am working on forgiveness of this person.  I don’t really know who it is, but I have a suspicion based on the little info I was given about them.  I deliberately didn’t ask friend 2 to give me a name…sometimes I wish I had, but what good would it do?  I get very, very angry at the person I think said this (and then I feel guilty because what if I am wrong?  Lord, please forgive me if I am wrong, and forgive me anyway for my anger at the person, whoever it is).  But obviously, this still really bothers me.  I don’t think friends 1 and 2 believed me when I told them I didn’t say that, and I know there is nothing I can really do to change their minds.  I wish they knew me well enough to know I would never behave in such a way.  I have strong convictions, but I know that I can love someone while disagreeing with their choices- I do it regularly.  Perhaps not perfectly, but I love and care for them nonetheless.

And I don’t know why friend 3 would say such a thing- if it is the person I think it is (and by process of elimination I think I may be right, especially as I didn’t have more than a few very close friends during the time period in question and I know which ones it couldn’t have been (based on timeline alone), we have not been close for years.  We barely communicate now, if at all.  There has been an undercurrent between us for quite a while.  At least five years.  And while some people believe that people, when drunk, are the most honest individuals alive, they are also the individuals that allow emotions and other issues bothering them to rule their thoughts and behaviors, as well as their words.  And I know that friend 3 must have been hurting to say what they said to friends 1 and 2, so I suppose I cried a little for friend 3 too, despite the anger I felt and feel.  I just wish that if friend 3 had chosen to hurt me, it hadn’t involved someone else as well.

I don’t know if writing this really helped me process further or not.  It’s hard to put into words.  It’s hard to even try and understand why someone would say such a thing.  I still pray that friend 1 will not allow this situation to reflect on Jesus. I pray that it will not keep him/her from one day coming to know Him.  And I pray that God will use this situation to grow all of us involved into who He wants us to be.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s