And then something else hit me…
…how insulting my lousy attitude is to God. He has blessed me with a husband who loves me (imperfectly, yes, but has an amazing love for me nonetheless), a smart and sweet little girl (when she is not clocking me in the face with a wooden block), an adorable baby boy (he is too young to note his imperfections yet…oh wait, does pooping all over my jeans count?), a dog for my children to love (even if her middle name should be “obnoxious”), a home we own (even if the floors do already creak and make me fear wake-ups from naps with every step), and food, clothes, and so forth. Really, too many blessings to list here. And yet, I want more. Or I let myself think I need more as I compare my life to the lives of others.
But a vacation every couple of months, a beautiful new piece of furniture, children that appear to always smile and do everything right, date nights every Friday at nice restaurants…they don’t a happy life make. The time spent with families on vacation, the time enjoying and appreciating the new things we have with others, the time we spend with our children laughing or our spouse on a date, that is what matters. The whos, so to speak. Not the whats or wheres. We (me) often know this, but sometimes I don’t think I really KNOW this. Or I forget. And I need God to remind me again. And again. And in light of Facebook, again and again. So my haitus from Facebook may need to become a more regular thing. I’m praying about it. And I am becoming more and more aware of my desire for honesty and transparency in myself and in others. While I am typically not posting status updates with any other motive than to share how things are going, I have done it to say, “Look how great things are for me today”. I hate it when I do it and I hate it when others do it.
Does this mean Facebook is bad? No, absolutely not. Does it mean you can’t post pictures from fun moments or brag on how great your husband is for bringing you flowers “just because” (I have to stop here and praise my husband because he does!)? No again– it’s great to share our happy moments with others, and it is great for our marriage to publicly brag on our spouses! What it means is that I have to be wary of my Facebook habit because of where my weakness for sin is in my heart. I have to be aware of my motives for posting pictures, status, updates, etc so that it isn’t done in an attempt to “keep up with the status updates”. The only One I need to keep up with is Jesus, and since I already know that I can’t do that perfectly, the pressure is off!