Pity Party Canceled

Friendship has been a touchy subject for me lately.  It’s been the source of joy, bouts of tears, and the topic of many prayers.  When I saw that it was the topic of Rachel Olsen’s devotional carnival this week, I initially planned to sit this one out.

Then I went to the park.

But first, let me explain why I was going to pass on this topic.  I do have two best friends…my husband and my mom.  I am married to my best friend, and I’m thankful that in addition to our romance, my husband and I genuinely enjoy being together.  After my husband, my mom is the other person in my life that I am closest to, and she is the one I do the “girl things” with, such as shopping, going to lunch, etc.  But in regard to having a few girlfriends to hang out with, for girls’ nights and so forth, my life is a something akin to a desert.  And for the first few years of my marriage, I wasn’t aware I was wandering and thirsty.

I am the type of girl that has always had one or two close friends, and was blessed with such friendships from grade school through graduate school.  Of course, time apart caused some of those relationships to drift away, while physical distance is a hindrance for some of the others, such as the ladies I grew to love in college and grad school.  When I have the opportunity to touch base with those ladies now, I am struck not only by my thirst for deep, real friendship, but by my hunger for a friendship that has Christ at its core.  My friendships my last few years of school had that, but as I mentioned, those friendships are hindered by distance and busy lives. It wasn’t until I had children that I began to really and regularly long for those close friendships again.

So I find myself crying out, and sometimes even whining to God, pleading with Him to send me some ladies (just one would be great!) who love Jesus, live nearby, and can be a close part of my life on a regular basis.  After all, it says in Ecclesiastes 4:10, If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” I certainly have my share of falls, even more so now that I am a mom (teething baby and mouthy two-year-old, anyone?).  I need a friend who can help me develop and hold on to who I am outside of the roles of wife, mommy, and daughter, someone I can spend time with to encourage and be encouraged, to grow in my faith with, to just have fun with!  And the ladies that are in the area that meet this criteria are either secure in and satisfied with their own small group of girlfriends, are often unavailable due to work schedules, or live so far across town and are such busy moms themselves that the time factor again becomes an issue.

So where does the park come into all this?  Well, today, the park threw a big, fat damper on my pity party.  I was blessed with the opportunity to meet friends at the park thanks to the fact that they were on vacation from work, and while there, an old friend of mine showed up to meet someone else I knew from high school and am now connected to on Facebook.  And I guess when it rains, it pours, because I met another mom who appears thirsty for friendship like I am, and who would like to start meeting each Wednesday at the park.

Granted, it was just one day of interactions and I still struggle with feeling lonely, but God used it as a reminder for me.  While my desire for a friend is God-given, my focus on it and the effect it was sometimes having on me was not glorifying to God.  And if I’m being honest, I was wearing my pity party hat, and not only was the pity party-hat unflattering, it was falling down in front of my eyes, thereby preventing me from seeing the opportunities for friendship around me.

So I returned home, put the kids down for a nap, and joined in on the carnival fun.  And I’m thankful that God not only designs us for friendship, but is faithful to provide those friendships in His perfect timing.  He reminded me of that today.

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Published by

livadair

Follower of Jesus, wife, homeschooling mom to three kids (soon to be four!), and lover of pizza, chocolate, reading, hiking, and temperatures that fall between 60 and 70 degrees.

11 thoughts on “Pity Party Canceled”

  1. I love this line… “And if I’m being honest, I was wearing my pity party hat, and not only was the pity party-hat unflattering, it was falling down in front of my eyes, thereby preventing me from seeing the opportunities for friendship around me.” God doesn’t keep us from putting the hat on, but He’s sure to let us see ourselves in it, isn’t He?! I don’t think there is one of us that hasn’t put on that very same hat for one thing or another! How awesome that you stumbled across some old friends and some new friends all in one day. He loves you so much that He wanted you to see the opportunities He set before you despite that hat! Wonderful, honest, God-glorifying post!

  2. So glad friends found you! That’s a neat story of how God really hears our hearts and wants to refresh us with His love and mercy…this time in the shape of friends at a park. Awesome!! Thanks for sharing! ~Samantha

  3. Your post is wonderful. It gives all of the rest of us desiring friendship hope and encouragement. It is amazing to me how many women out there are craving the same thing. Your story is a testimony of God’s faithfulness to us. We only need ask and he will listen.

    I needed to hear this today. Thank you.

  4. This was a really powerful posting. It made me really stop and think my wife and i are praying for Godly friends and this is really going to help us. So many things stood out to me but one main thing is God is faithful to provide those friendships in His Perfect timing and it will be the friendships i desire and that will benefit my life. Thank you for sharing. I have to marinate on this over and over again.

  5. Great story! Obviously I need to “go to the park” or find a place where my future friends may be hanging out! My prayer is that I will meet some Godly girl friends and be able to share those “girly” things!

  6. First, let me start by cosigning everything that Vicky said – I am deeply encouraged by this post. I’ve found myself longing for godly friends this entire year, just about.

    This convicted me: “While my desire for a friend is God-given, my focus on it and the effect it was sometimes having on me was not glorifying to God.”
    *I could write an entire book on that alone!

    I’m so glad that God speaks to you. I am grateful that you are honest and open enough to share a bit of your world with us. I needed to read that. I needed to know that God will provide…in His perfect timing.

  7. Thanks for all your comments- it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who is in need of friendship! Thank you for the encouragement as well!

    And fallingintofavor, I often wish we did not live on opposite coasts- I always get the impression we could be great friends if we lived nearer to each other! At least we have an online friendship 🙂

  8. I can totally relate to this: “I am struck not only by my thirst for deep, real friendship, but by my hunger for a friendship that has Christ at its core.” As can I relate to the pulls (and joys!) of motherhood. (I’m sitting here typing this with one hand and sweet baby in the other.)

    What a great lesson in God’s timing, faithfulness, and ability to clear or hearts and eyes to see better the blessings around us!

    Great post.

  9. This was beautiful post. I love the honesty. God sometimes has a unique way of bringing friends into our lives and you are right, His timing is perfect!

  10. I rememeber how hard it was to have time for finding friends when my children were preschoolers. The local MOPS group became my “park experience.” I’m so glad you headed to the park that day, and that God met you there and answered your heart’s cry.

    Blessings! ~Rachel

  11. I can understand where you’re coming from wanting more friends. I have my sister who you know I hang out with all the time, and then a very small number who I get to see once every couple of months due to busy schedules and such. I should be getting into day shifts soon at work. Maybe when I get free evenings we could see each other more often!

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