While both kids are sleeping, I decided to take a minute to write a blog post.
I’ve been struggling lately with the whole selling our house/desire for our dream home thing. I know I talked in one of my more recent posts about how whether things work out the way we hope or not, it is all to God’s glory. And I sincerely mean that. I know God has His best for me and my family. I know it just like I know that it has been a beautiful sunny day here in my part of North Carolina.
Yet. I have been succumbing to anxiety lately, and I don’t like it. I don’t like it because it doesn’t feel good to worry, and I don’t like it because I also know that worry does not glorify God. We had our first showing a week ago, and while the realtor provided feedback that our house shows very well, she also shared that the couple was concerned about the size of a couple of the bedrooms and the closets. This didn’t surprise my husband and I, because we gave virtually that same exact feedback when we looked at the home. For us, ultimately, the features of the home and the gorgeous lot it sits on outweighed those concerns, and really, the two smaller bedrooms and closets haven’t been an issue. So I guess we have to wait for a couple that can see beyond like we could!
The feedback was discouraging though, because aside from adding on to the house or knocking down some walls, there isn’t much we can do about their concerns. We did choose to lower the price slightly a month or so ago due to the slow market in our area, and we are now absolutely positively priced at an incredible price for the square footage! I find myself reading and rocking with Asher in his room (one of the smaller ones) and mentally rearranging the room in an effort to make it look bigger. I find myself trying to control every aspect that I can possibly control in order to make this happen.
But my husband hit it on the head when I shared with him that I am not feeling much peace about the whole issue and he gently responded with, “That is because you are trying to be in control rather than the Lord”. He’s right. So my struggle has been trying to control something that isn’t mine to control. Sure, it is fine to make this house look as appealing as possible, which thankfully, isn’t hard at all! It is truly a beautiful home. But if I truly believe that God has His best for us, then I have to let go of all the anxiety and trust Him. I have to do this
daily many times a day.
I made myself take some quiet time with the Lord when I first got my children down for their naps a little bit ago. I did something I haven’t done in awhile- I got down on my knees and prayed. First I repented for the fact that my focus has been so selfish that I am driven to my knees by my desire for this home rather than issues such as the devastation from the tornadoes, issues like abortion and hopelessness, and the needs of family and friends. I prayed about all of those things and others. Then I poured out my heart to God about this house and our prayers for the next one. He already knows all of it, but the Lord delights when His children come to Him just as a parent delights when his/her child shares what is on his/her heart.
As I prayed, I made myself be still before God. I try not to fall into the trap of pouring out all my thoughts, worries, and concerns only to turn a deaf ear to God’s response. I felt a nudging to open my devotional Daily Light, which I am ashamed to admit I hadn’t opened in a while. I turned to May 5, and this is what it said in its entirety:
“Therefore do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?” For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.”
“Oh, fear the Lord, you His saints! There is no want to those who fear Him. The young lions lack and suffer hunger; but those who seek the Lord shall not lack any good thing.”
No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly. O Lord of hosts, blessed is the man who trusts in You!”
“I want you to be without care.”
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.”
“Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith? Have faith in God.”
(Matthew 6:31-32; Psalm 34:9-10; Psalm 84:11-12; 1 Corinthians 7:32; Philippians 4:6; Matthew 10:29-31; Mark 4:40; Mark 11:22)
Needless to say, I responded with “wow”. I knew God was speaking to me through those verses. I knew I needed to stop worrying and have faith in God. And I was encouraged, because it is promised that “No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.” And while I cannot walk uprightly on my own, I do in Christ, and only in Christ! I may not know whether or not selling this house and buying the other home is “a good thing” for us because I don’t know the future nor all the facts, but God does. And that is certainly enough.
I tell “you” all of this for two reasons.
1) To encourage others as well that may be struggling with anxiety or fear. God is an ever present help and hears you- whether you feel your worries are minor or major! He cares for you. Period.
2) To ask for accountability. For my friends that read my blog regularly, or even just those of you stopping by, please, hold me accountable in this. This is a process and I know God is using it to prune my branches to help me grow stronger and more beautiful in Him. I don’t want to hinder that growth! Prayers are welcome and feel free to share your thoughts in a comment below or privately- it’s a privilege to pray for you as well.